It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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