operation harelip BJ is a go
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
