All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
