That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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