I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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