Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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