my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
