2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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