i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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