If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
