if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
