I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize