my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
