i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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