If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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