craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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