I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
