Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
