Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
