Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
