If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
