Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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