she looked like the before picture.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
