thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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