Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
