I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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