You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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