Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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