Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
