Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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