So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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