I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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