They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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