I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
