so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
