You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
