She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
