Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
