Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
