in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
