well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My cat gives me a boner
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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