I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
