speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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