I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
