This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
