My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
