I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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