there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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