I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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