i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
