Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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