He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
