it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
