This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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