How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
