I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
