I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
