i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
