I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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