evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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