can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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