well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
