I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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