Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
