I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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